Friday, March 23, 2012

Melancholy Day


Two doctor appointments today. Dr. Hu is very happy with the fact that the pain is under control. Of course so am I. I am no longer considering a second opinion for my care. This is a very rare form of cancer and because I am being treated by a doctor who has treated this form of cancer before I feel no need for a second opinion. Now if none of the doctors at this cancer center had ever treated Adrenal Cancer than I would still want a second opinion.
Frankly I think that I have received two blessing, one that they found the tumor and were able to diagnosis the cancer, and two having a doctor on staff who has treated this cancer before. I thank the Lord for these blessing.
The doctors have made it very clear that there is no cure for this form of cancer. So all treatment is being done in the hopes of reducing my pain so that I can have a good quality of whatever is left of my life.  Many people in this world are not as fortunate as I am.
Between doctor appointments I was able to get some reading done and that was great too.  Rereading the entire set of scriptures is one of the things that I have put onto my “bucket list”
I must admit that this evening I am in a bit of a melancholy frame of mind. It is tough at times to think that there is no cure for what wrong with me. And it is very, very, sad to hear your mom say that she is praying that the Lord will not make me suffer. I feel so bad for her. However, today she also told me that she knows that I have lived a good life and we agree that there are others who need a miracle cure more than I do.
I have thought about not posting such down feeling but then you would not get a true picture of what my life with cancer is like. Please understand that this does not mean that I have any plans to stop fighting for life.
I am just adjusting to accepting the Lord’s will for me. I pray that the rest of you can also accept the Lord’s will for me. I have lived a good life and I have a great deal to praise the Lord for. So please review what you know of my life and see if you can find all of the ways that the Lord has blessed me.  If you can find anything for which I should be grateful for than see if you can find any way that you can find to be grateful for having known me. If you can do that, than thank the Lord, for that gift. I am looking over my life and the people I’ve had the blessings of knowing and counting my blessing. Each of you in some way or another have touched my life and for that I am grateful.

3 comments:

  1. I am very thankful that you are my Aunt. Thank you for sharing this journey. I think you are very brave. Thanks for being YOU.

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  2. Suzie, I am grateful to have had you for a sister. We haven't agreed on many things--we still don't, for that matter, but I've always known you were there to support and care for me. I hope you can find me there (in spirit, if not in body) for you when you need it.

    I admire the way you're facing your condition and the likely outcome. Let's face it, we all have to confront the inevitability of our own demises as much as we don't want to do it. You're doing it with grace and good humor and a quirky flare that I respect.

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  3. Sarah, I have always admired your creativity and individuality, I think you are a very special soul. I just wish we had lived closer to each other so I could have known you better. Please keep being YOU

    Jimbo, it has been very interesting with you for an older brother, but through it all I have always been glad you are part of the family. So we look at many things differently, that's okay in my book. I DO feel that you are "here" for me. I am glad that you are going on with your life, because you should. I am very touched that you have found something about me to admire. I hope that I can continue to keep my grace and humor and the days go on. I am proud to be your sister.

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