Painful day but I'm not down Hearted

Just a quick note: Yesterday was a tough day. The pain was high and with the side effect of the pain medication. I slept most of the day. That is not how I want to spend what is left of my life.  The problem is constipation and the pain that is causing on top of the pain of the cancer. Fruit smoothies have been suggested. I have only found two recipes for smoothies. If any of you have recipes I would appreciate it if you could share them with me.

Let me explain the medication dries out the large intestines causing a large part of this problem.

I would like you to know that I am doing well in all the other areas.

Kidney Doctor Visit

Kidney Doctor

This afternoon I saw a kidney doctor, he told me that there is a small mass on my left kidney; it is because the tumor on my adrenal gland has spread. At this time my kidney function is normal. He explained that there is no way that radiation can be done on my adrenal tumor and not affect my left kidney. But now I think that is a good thing.

He is the first doctor to make any reference at all about my emotional, spiritual and family health. I am very glad that he recognized that these health issues are part of my life. And that he told me about the mass in my kidney. I must say I wonder why the other doctors did not mention it. Oh wait a minute, I wonder if it was mentioned before this and I missed it. When you hear news like this you don’t always hear everything that is said to you.

This doctor wants to see me after my three weeks of radiation therapy that should start on Monday or Tuesday. To check on my kidney function, that way if there is any change we can see what if anything can be done.

So to sum it all up I have another good day. For which I thank the Lord.

Daily Distractions

Hi friends:

Well, it is Monday, today has been a good day.  I was having a problem with my health insurance coverage. However, today it has been resolved. So now there is one less thing for me to worry about.

Now if only I could get the SSI process completed. But I am sure that will work out soon enough. I just hate waiting, but that is what I have to do right now. So please don’t worry about it. It is just normal government paperwork.

I was able to get some work done on my scanning project. That is always a good thing. I feel very encouraged about the project. My older brother sent me some photos from Manila and there Cemetery for Americans. They have the names of all the Americans who were listed has MIA in that part of the world during WWII. My Mom’s cousin is one of those. These names are on several columns in the Cemetery. My brother found her cousin’s name and took photos of it. I am going to put them into my genealogy program, and of course connect them to this man. He went down with the submarine the USS Scorpion. Sadly he was married, but they never had any children.

I love to add any stories I can obtain about the individuals on my family tree. I feel that we need to remember those who came before us are not just names and dates. They are people they had good times and bad times just like us. Sometimes I think we can get courage from their stories to deal with our own tough times.

I hope you will understand that I don’t want to dwell on my illness. My pain is a little on the high side. But I want to let you know that I try to focus my attention on other things than my pain. I believe that by focusing on my other activities it will be easier to deal with the pain.  It is my hope that by seeing how I cope with things you will understand what is getting me through each day.

Maybe by knowing how I distract myself from my problems you might find ways to deal with the problems in your own life. Let’s face it each and every one of us has problems some large, some small. But I know that in some cases what seems small to one might seem large to someone else.

By the way, if any of you have any other ideas on how I can distract myself from my illness. I would like to know about it. Just keep in mind I want ones that have little or no major costs. Although I love, really love, genealogy even that can become a little boring.

Pleasant Fast Sunday

Pleasant Sunday

Today was Fast & Testimony Sunday, because next week is General Conference. I bore my testimony about how the only way I am going to stay strong has I ride this rollercoaster is my testimony. Come to find out a couple of people in the Ward had not heard about my cancer. With our Wards being as small as they are I was a bit surprised.

I ended up missing Sunday school class because one of the Sister’s, (for those non LDS friend, not a Nun, just a women in the congregation), wanted to talk with me about not only how I am doing but also about how my Mom is doing. It is wonderful to have friends that are concerned about her also. I am glad that my friends understand that my cancer affects my entire family. This gives me hope that when the time comes they will reach to them.

I thought that you might find it interesting that I find writing this blog to be very helpful to me. It makes me stop and think about what my day has been like.  For the most part I have always tried to look at life seeing the glass half full. Therefore when I write this I look to see what good things, large or small, have happened. One of my favorite hymns is titled “Count Your Many Blessings”. So I guess in a way I do that now on a daily basis. I think doing this is helping me to feel good emotionally even if I am in pain.

Today the pain has been very tolerable, for which I am very grateful. It was great to go to Church and truly enjoy the service and feel like participating in the classes. The Gospel of Jesus Christ gives me an understanding of where I am going and what it will be like, that makes it a journey that I look forward to. (Relax, not enough to hurt myself. Besides I believe that if I commit suicide I would not be able to get to the best part of heaven.) I have things I want to do and just a few places I would like to go to before I make that final journey.

I am finding it odd that thoughts are coming to mind about what I want in my Memorial Service and even part of what I want to have posted has my final entry to this blog. I have heard for years that the dying know that they are dying. I guess now I am learning this first hand. These thoughts do not frighten me at all and I have no sense of urgency about them. I just thought you might find this has interesting I do.

So to sum up the day, it has been a quiet, peaceful day. The greatest blessing of the day was the opportunity to socialize with my friends. The hugs, smiles, handshakes, and conversations of today will stay with me all week and make whatever comes easier to deal with. Thanks for being my friend.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, www.lds.org

Painful day

Just a short note the pain has been bad most of the day. But this evening my son and another man from the Church came over and gave me a health blessing. Although the pain is not gone it has gone down enough now where I think I will be able to sleep. I really hope so, I want to feel good enough to go to Church in the morning. It brings me great comfort to attend Church, both spiritually and emotionally. I like to socialize with my friends, now that I don't work I am not going out of the house much, other than doctor appointments.

If you are praying for me please ask the Lord to help the doctors and I find the right meds to control my pain so that it is tolerable. And that the x-ray therapy will work and actually shrink my tumor. I am sure that if the tumor shrinks it will ease a good deal of my pain.

Thank you one and all for thinking of me. Your thoughts and prayers really do help.

Melancholy Day

Two doctor appointments today. Dr. Hu is very happy with the fact that the pain is under control. Of course so am I. I am no longer considering a second opinion for my care. This is a very rare form of cancer and because I am being treated by a doctor who has treated this form of cancer before I feel no need for a second opinion. Now if none of the doctors at this cancer center had ever treated Adrenal Cancer than I would still want a second opinion.

Frankly I think that I have received two blessing, one that they found the tumor and were able to diagnosis the cancer, and two having a doctor on staff who has treated this cancer before. I thank the Lord for these blessing.

The doctors have made it very clear that there is no cure for this form of cancer. So all treatment is being done in the hopes of reducing my pain so that I can have a good quality of whatever is left of my life.  Many people in this world are not as fortunate as I am.

Between doctor appointments I was able to get some reading done and that was great too.  Rereading the entire set of scriptures is one of the things that I have put onto my “bucket list”

I must admit that this evening I am in a bit of a melancholy frame of mind. It is tough at times to think that there is no cure for what wrong with me. And it is very, very, sad to hear your mom say that she is praying that the Lord will not make me suffer. I feel so bad for her. However, today she also told me that she knows that I have lived a good life and we agree that there are others who need a miracle cure more than I do.

I have thought about not posting such down feeling but then you would not get a true picture of what my life with cancer is like. Please understand that this does not mean that I have any plans to stop fighting for life.

I am just adjusting to accepting the Lord’s will for me. I pray that the rest of you can also accept the Lord’s will for me. I have lived a good life and I have a great deal to praise the Lord for. So please review what you know of my life and see if you can find all of the ways that the Lord has blessed me.  If you can find anything for which I should be grateful for than see if you can find any way that you can find to be grateful for having known me. If you can do that, than thank the Lord, for that gift. I am looking over my life and the people I’ve had the blessings of knowing and counting my blessing. Each of you in some way or another have touched my life and for that I am grateful.