sad news today

Today I feel very sad. I am too weak to change the sheets on my bed. I tried to fold a load of clothes and that wore me out just half way through. I just hate the fact that I am getting weaker and seem to be failing. I have very mixed emotions about dying.  I pray that I do NOT die over the holidays. I do not want to spoil the holidays for my friends and family.

I am only afraid of not completing what the Lord sent me here to do. I have a lot of scanning that I have not completed. But I know that if I can remember who offered to help me with that project it will get done.

My ex-daughter-in-law is coming through for me and giving me all the help I need. I have applied for help through a place called Stavros, they help people live at home and pay people to help me. I get to choose who it is that I have for my assistant. I hope they will pay Brooke to do this. She was a great help to me yesterday while getting the ultra sound. She is also asking today just what help I need.

What is really sad is that my Mom at 88 years old is stronger than I am and I am only 60 years old. But I guess this is just part of dying. But it is a part that I don’t like. But no one said I would like this.

I am sure that this news saddens my friends and family, but I am also sure that you want to know the truth about how I am doing.  For those of you who pray please ask that the Lord’s will be done. Do not pray for my life to be extended other than past the holidays and completing my genealogy task. But I do not want to live just for the sake of living.  At the moment I feel that I have a good quality of life and that is more important to me than the length of my life. Please keep that in mind when thinking or praying for me.

Thank you one and all for all of your friendship and kindness over the years. I have no words to express just how much it means to me.