Legal Thoughts

I feel much better today, both physically and emotionally. I guess I am starting to come to terms with what is happening in my life. At the moment I realize that I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I need to do to have my final arrangements in order. Although I do not own much I do not want to burden my family in anyway. I want to have some ideas put together of just what I need to talk to a lawyer about. I have a general idea about what I want for a memorial service. But I do not know any of the legal stuff that needs to be done.

Please understand I am not giving up the fight. I am simply trying to plan for the future. I believe that I will enjoy the rest of my time here on earth if I know that I have all of the legal stuff in order. I do NOT want any fighting of any kind about anything to do with me or my earthly stuff.  By having my final legal papers all in order I can then spend my time thinking about doing my genealogy and spending time with you, my family and friends. I will be able to enjoy that stuff more if I know the other is all taken care of.

I also want you to understand that I still have places to go, people to see, and things to do before I just give up on living. I have not watched the movie “The Bucket List” yet but it is on my list of things to do. I have been warned that some cancer patients find it a little too close to home to watch so when I watch it I will keep the remote handy and remember that there is such a thing has an off button. If I can get through the movie; then I will consider creating my bucket list.

The one thing that I do know that I want to do is go to the ocean and walk along the beach at sunset. And of course complete organizing my genealogy to pass on to those who are interested in it. But I am sure I can always add things to this “list”.

NOT a quiet Sunday

Although for many years now I have felt that Sunday is the best day of the week today is not such a day. Why, because I am not up to attending Church. I find listening to the speakers in Sacrament, and the lessons in both Sunday School, and Relief Society very uplifting.  But thanks to modern technology I can study the scriptures here by myself which is how I plan to spend my morning.

Today was not a quiet day. My grandchildren were here and it was anything but quiet. I am glad they are going home in the morning. It is hard to have them here when I don’t feel good.

Food is starting to agree with me. Now let’s pray that it stays that way. Love to all of you.

Plugging Along

Today; the rollercoaster has stopped spinning and I think I am just crawling up another hill, ever so slowly. But at the moment, the stomach aches are driving me crazy. Lunch just didn’t like me. So although I am hungry, I don’t know what I want to eat. This is a rotten thing. Because I am also concerned with what will my stomach tolerate? At the moment I am trying crackers and ginger ale.

Emotionally I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that the doctors are saying I will not see Christmas of 2014. This is such a crazy way to live. I am trying not to dwell on it but at the moment my stomach cramps are bad enough to keep me from thinking of much else. I pray that in a day or two this will pass. I would rather have the mild hot flashes that I get once in a while. But such is life and I keep plugging along.

I must say to all of you. Your posts on facebook are great. I am so glad you are helping me to find ways to laugh about going bald. That is an easy trade for 4 more months here with you, my friends and family.

Round Two Chemo-Therapy

The rollercoaster just went down a very steep hill and at the moment I am spinning near the bottom.  But I hope that in a day or two I will get my head around what was said today and feel like the coaster is climbing up another hill.

Now I believe all of you knew about the tumor on my left adrenal gland, however, did I make it clear at the beginning of this that a few lymph nodes at the base of my neck on the left side had been biopsied and found to be cancerous? Well, now that group of lymph nodes seems to have about doubled and grown in size has well. So no rest we are going to keep right on treating this aggressive cancer. That is a great thing.  What has me blown is that the doctors say that with this next treatment, I might go from having 24 months to 28 months of life left. Somehow saying 2 years sounded longer! Isn’t that goofy.

So here is the next treatment plan. I will go into the hospital and have a “port” put in. This will be done has same day surgery (asap), I will go home just hours after the procedure is completed. Then as soon as they can fit me into the schedule I will start chemo-therapy. I will have therapy for three days. Then I will be off for three weeks. I will then go back in for another three days and so on until I have had six treatments. Now when I say go in I will not be hospitalized. The Chemo will be done at the cancer center on an outpatient basis. This should take about 4 months.

The Chemo that they are going to give me is NOT the most common one used for this form of cancer. They feel that it is just too tough for me to handle. So the one they are going to do uses two different drugs. I didn’t catch the names of the drugs, they would not have meant much to me. But let’s call the two drugs; drugs A, & drug B, and the two together drug C.  When I go in on day one I will get just drug A, on day two I will just get drug B, then on the third day I will get drug C. I am not positive of the order and it doesn’t really matter to me.

Now one of the great things is that each time I go in for chemo they will reassess how much if any success we have had and how I am tolerating the treatment. Adjustment will be made if it is believed it will be in my best interest. If, however, it is not doing me any good at all, then treatment will end! I like that, if it is not working why get sicker for nothing.

I was also told that by my second round of treatment I will most likely get a script for a free wig because my hair will have started falling out.  So watch out for the bald crazy Suzie coming your way soon!!!  (LOL)

A day in Bed!

Yesterday has part of “discharging” me from my radiation therapy I received a Certificate of Completion, and discharge papers telling me what to expect and when to call for any questions.  One of the thing they have learned is that people often feel a letdown because they are not actively doing anything about their cancer. Well, today I don’t feel that way at all. The treatments are still knocking me off my feet.

So I am going to try and set myself so goals of some things I would like to get done around my room. I have not kept it has orderly has I would have liked. But who wants to do housework, especially when your feel sick. I am hoping that if I can keep myself busy with other things that I have wanted to do for years that I can try to remember that now I have to give my body time to recuperate from what was just done to it. Of course that is most likely easier said than done so we will just have to see how I do.