Today,
Monday, is a blah day, I have not felt very good all day long. And supper didn’t
stay down. It is now 5:30 I am in bed for the rest of the day. A few people say
that I may have not been accepting just how sick I am. I disagree. Just because
I haven’t said a lot doesn’t mean I haven’t felt sick. Either way today I feel
sick enough to put me in bed for the evening. I am hoping to rest for the rest
of the day and maybe even tomorrow. I know I don’t want to feel blah on Wednesday
it will make it even more difficult to deal with that mask. I just took my temp
and it is only 98.3 so I am not worried about being sick. I just had problems
with getting food down.
Opps,
I forgot to put my post up so the world will get one post for two days today,
Tuesday. This is the second day of my feeling kind of blah. I can’t put my
finger on just what is wrong. My Mom thinks that it comes from something that
was said to me on Sunday. Basically I was told that I am sick and that it is
okay to feel sick and not be the same person I was before I got sick. I was
also told by a couple of people that I don’t have to try to be strong if I
really am not. I have nothing to prove to myself or anyone else. I was told
that because of my thinking that I had to put off taking something for the
anxiety that I feel about wearing the mask. Now that I have taken some time to
think about it I guess they are right. But I am not sure that I like the person
that doing so will make me be. I guess I have to think about it a little more.
I know my Mom says I think too much about things, but I have to feel good about
how I am acting about my life in general. It is 1pm and I have been up for 1
hour and feel like I could go right back to sleep. It is a cool damp day
outside. So I may try to get my clean clothes put away and then I just might
take a nap. Maybe today I just need more sleep. I hope that is all it is. There
are things that I want to get done and I can’t get them done if I sleep my life
away.
The
day got rotten; I guess I was not supposed to get anything done today. I know I
will go to sleep early today. Maybe if I go to bed a little earlier then I
might be able to get up before noon.
Aunt Suzie
ReplyDeleteYou may or may not know that I have an anxiety disorder. I have been taking medications as needed for several years. I was a bit worried that taking medications for anxiety would change who i am, it has not. Say your anxiety is a wet leaf stuck to your face... hard to see through. Anxiety medication (for me) moves that leaf far enough away that I can see around it... not be consumed. I have never felt "high" or even that sleepy from these medications. I refuse to feel weak or not in control because I choose to take meds. I think I am stronger and more in control because I am doing what is best for me. No one can tell you how you should or need to react to having cancer. Now I realize everyone has their own reactions to medications and I am sure some people have not had the same experience as me. I don't know what you "should" do but you do. I just wanted to share my anxiety medication story with you because I was compelled to.
ps if all else fails flip a coin. you will know what you want by how you react to the results:)
I love you
Sarah
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a personal story with me. Your folks never told me much about your issues. But I have learned that you are 100% right about how I should feel. What I have decided is that I need to feel good. And only I can define that word. I now have great control over my pain medication and it is going great. What a piece of mind I have knowing that if I start to hurt I just push a button and relief is on it's way. I have to wait 5 minutes between requests for the medication but I am okay with that. I keep the acceptable pain level VERY low. I see no need to suffer. Gratefully the nurses who cared for me for the last three weeks and the doctors all agreed with me about not needing to suffer.
I also agree that we are both stronger because we have chosen to take advantage of the blessings of modern medicine. That is why we have them. I also feel that you are very blessed with a hubby like you have. From what I have heard he is right there for you regardless of what you are going through. In fact I will tell you that I am envious of that. I never had a partner who cared that much about me.
I Love You, too
Aunt Suzie