Two Days

Today, Monday, is a blah day, I have not felt very good all day long. And supper didn’t stay down. It is now 5:30 I am in bed for the rest of the day. A few people say that I may have not been accepting just how sick I am. I disagree. Just because I haven’t said a lot doesn’t mean I haven’t felt sick. Either way today I feel sick enough to put me in bed for the evening. I am hoping to rest for the rest of the day and maybe even tomorrow. I know I don’t want to feel blah on Wednesday it will make it even more difficult to deal with that mask. I just took my temp and it is only 98.3 so I am not worried about being sick. I just had problems with getting food down.

Opps, I forgot to put my post up so the world will get one post for two days today, Tuesday. This is the second day of my feeling kind of blah. I can’t put my finger on just what is wrong. My Mom thinks that it comes from something that was said to me on Sunday. Basically I was told that I am sick and that it is okay to feel sick and not be the same person I was before I got sick. I was also told by a couple of people that I don’t have to try to be strong if I really am not. I have nothing to prove to myself or anyone else. I was told that because of my thinking that I had to put off taking something for the anxiety that I feel about wearing the mask. Now that I have taken some time to think about it I guess they are right. But I am not sure that I like the person that doing so will make me be. I guess I have to think about it a little more. I know my Mom says I think too much about things, but I have to feel good about how I am acting about my life in general. It is 1pm and I have been up for 1 hour and feel like I could go right back to sleep. It is a cool damp day outside. So I may try to get my clean clothes put away and then I just might take a nap. Maybe today I just need more sleep. I hope that is all it is. There are things that I want to get done and I can’t get them done if I sleep my life away.

The day got rotten; I guess I was not supposed to get anything done today. I know I will go to sleep early today. Maybe if I go to bed a little earlier then I might be able to get up before noon.

Two Days

Today was a very nice quiet day. I was able to stay for all three meetings at Church, but I will admit that by the third hour I was getting very tired. I came home and took a three hour nap. Now it is 10 pm and I can’t keep my eyes open.

After my nap and a lite supper of homemade egg drop soup, oh so good! Then Mom, Brooke and I too our trip to Moscow without leaving our house. We owe a great thank to Dave and Barb Sutton. They sent us some really great stuff. We had a neat time reviewing the items they sent us and trying to understand that they see signs of the early 1900s, via horse and buggies around the town. Then they see the 21^st century with TV’s computers and the internet. What an amazing thing to see all of these things in the course of their everyday life. They are not part of a town like we have here of Sturbridge Village were people pretend that they are living in the 1800s and people from the 21^st century come to visit. What Barb and Dave see is real life each day for all of them.

Next month we have decided to my our “virtual” trip be to Alaska. I hope to do a better job with the next trip than I did this time. I am praying that this round of radiation won’t tire me out so bad and that I can scrape book the stuff has I get it and then have a nicer display to look at. Any help on life in Alaska will be greatly appreciated from anyone.

Even though we already did our trip to Moscow, I still plan to scrape book that stuff. I am going to have a special scrape book for our virtual trips.

I feel at much greater peace with myself and what is happening. Don Jr is coming over tomorrow to give me a blessing of comfort tomorrow that will also be a large help with my emotions

A few people asked me a very simple question. They asked me why I had to wait to get help with my anxiety about this treatment. For the first time I actually thought about that and realized there was no reason to wait. I am very grateful to them for helping me to think kind of “outside the box” one person said I was trying to be a person who I use to be and now I am not that person. When she said that I realized that neither person was bad, just one wasn’t really facing my new reality. It is very nice to have friends who are there to help me become the new person I need to become. This new person is not a bad or weak person but one who has to look at life in a very different way. I think that I will need help learning that and that these friends are going to help me to do that.

Thanks to all of you for being my friends through this very crazy roller coaster ride of life.

PS. I too miss my Dad, but I feel he is watching over me alot lately.  He was a great man in the eyes of the Lord. I don't know or care what the world thought about him.

Nutrition Drink Arrives

Breeze get delivered

Three cases of Breeze nutrition drink were delivered today. The doctor wants me to drink between 4-6 of these a day. They look like the kids juice boxes each holding 8 oz;

Today it has been  beautiful day weather wise. Temperature is not to hot or humid, yet I feel winded and tired. I have been wearing the oxygen most of the day. It has me a little concerned although on Thursday the nurse said my lungs sounded clear. I have taken a couple of naps already today, wearing the oxygen. But this evening, (dinner time), I still feel tired. I haven’t done very much that would tire me out. Emotionally I also feel a little down but I can’t figure out why.

Now it is 11 pm and I have taken a longer nap and feel much better both ways. So I know I will be up for hours and have to fight to get up for Church in the morning. But I will win that fight.

I also started my next college class. Another “long” course, one lesson, just 14 pages to read. This one is on vital records, when are the prime and secondary sources. I am sure I will learn something I didn’t already know. So it will be a good experience.

Rewarding Day

Treatment Change

This morning I received a call from my radiation oncologist’s nurse and my first visit for the new round of treatment has been changed from Monday to Wednesday of next week. The doctor needed to make a change and that requires the medical physicists to redo at least part of their work and that will take them until next Tuesday to complete correctly. Calibrating for this type of radiation is a very complex procedure. I would rather wait three days and make sure they have it right than take a chance. While I was talking to the nurse I told her how anxious I am about wearing the head mask. I then asked her if the doctor would be willing to give me a prescription for something to help me be calm. She said he would and that it is not uncommon to for him to do this for his patients. The doctor will review what scripts I currently take and write a script for something that I can safely take. I am mildly concerned about drug interaction. Between my doctor checking for that and then having my pharmacist doing the same I am sure I will be fine.

I should explain that this next appointment is a dry run to check the markings on the mask with the calculations. And on Wednesday I will learn how long each treatment will take, how often I will have them and just how many he wants me to have. It is so reassuring to be able to talk to these doctors and nurses about any concerns I have. It is another part of what is putting me at ease with dealing with this cancer. The biggest reassurance actually comes from YOU my friends and family standing by and supporting me. I am surprised at just how large and deep this circle of people actually is. It is truly wonderful.

I think I did a silly thing this afternoon. I felt so tired that I couldn’t keep my eyes open so I laid down and took a nap, but I never thought to put my oxygen back on. I ended up sleeping for almost 2 ½ hrs. I wonder if I would not have slept a shorter time and felt better if I had put the oxygen back on. The next time I feel tired like that I will try to remember that it is a sign that my body may need more oxygen than I am getting off the machine. Your right I find the thing annoying, but it is much better than not breathing! I will adjust. I have it on NOW.

Hurray, I just completed my first course, on Military Records and how to use them to do genealogy research. I really learned a lot and enjoyed taking the one lesson. Now to go back and decide what to take next.

Kidney Fuction

Kidneys

Seeing has kidney function is very important to good health I am being followed by a kidney specialist. Not only are they tracking and caring for me, but they are very interested in how adrenal cancer affects the kidney. (Reminder, the adrenal gland is located on top of each kidney) I am glad they are looking at for both reasons if they can learn anything about this cancer to help other patients in the future I am all for it.

I had great news today, based on the blood tests done to monitor my kidney function it seems that my kidneys object to the body being treated with either radiation or chemotherapy, however, once those treatments are over my kidneys have gone back to proper kidney function. We are all believing that this means that little to no harm is being done to my kidneys. On the graft my doctor showed me he could tell exactly when I had the chemotherapy because then the kidneys started to shut down.  My doctor is so encouraged by this that he doesn’t feel he needs to see me for 3 months. If I get any concerns I can call the office before my next appointment in September. I feel that this is great news. The graft he showed me showed the same affect to my kidneys when I had radiation with the same accuracy. So for the duration of my next round of radiation I am going to try to be sure I keep drinking the Gator Aid daily so that I can help compensate for the irritation the radiation causes the kidneys. I want to do my part to prevent any kidney problems that could develop if I didn’t do this.

I also learned today that the Resource Breeze nutrition drink will be delivered on Saturday. My primary oncologist wants me drinking about 6 bottles of that each day. This is due to my dietary problems with solid food. They will be giving me 8 cases of the stuff. I comes in two flavors orange and wild berry. I have already had the wild berry it was good so I thought I would like to try the orange flavor and give myself a little variety. I also learned from my VNA nurse that there is a way to massage the bladder and that doing so helps to get the last ounce of urine out of the body, this helps reduce bladder infections. That sounds great to me so I have already started doing it. It is very easy and I found it very affective. The kidney doctor was glad to hear that I had been taught that and was going to make it a normal routine in my life. I really think part of the reason the doctors like me so much is because I am very proactive about my health. But it doesn’t matter why they like me I am just overwhelmed with how well they treat ME!

Oh, the doctor and his staff complimented my on both my scarf and hat. So all around I would say I had a great day. I choose each day to concentrate on the blessing of the day instead of the bumps that come along in everyday life for all of us.

Quiet - Good Day

Today has been a nice quiet day. I have gotten a few things around my room done.

I started my college course. I am taking my time. I have to read 28 pages. I am taking a lot of notes to keep for later. This course might take me two days because I keep taking breaks, like this one. The entire course consists of just ONE lesson. I must say I am only half way through the lesson and wow, there is a lot of things to learn. I know when I want to actually use the military records to do my research I will need the notes I am making now. There is too much to try and remember it all.

I have already selected one of the next courses that I want to take. It is one about the Old Testament. They offer one course on just the book of Genesis. I am fairly certain that will be a lot more lessons than what I am taking right now. I will also take another genealogy course once I am done with this one.

Tonight I tried just a single scoop of chocolate ice cream, now I am waiting to see if it will agree with my body. In the meantime I have given some thought to wearing the mask next Monday for the radiation treatment. After I see how I handle this treatment, if I found it too difficult then I am going to ask for help. I am going to ask for some valium so that I can take it about ½ hour before a treatment to relax me. I believe that my doctors would give me that or some other tranquilizer for that purpose if I simple ask.  Although through a blessing of comfort I will already have asked for the Lord’s help, sometimes He wants us to take advantage of modern medicine has well.