I know you folks want to know how I am doing. Right now that
is hard to write about because since yesterday nothing has changed. So what do
I tell you about?
I guess part of what I can tell you is that you may have
heard that some people who are sick like me get a feeling about when they are
going to die. Well, for me that seems to be true. I know that when I had heard
that I wondered how it made those people feel, maybe you are wondering that
about me so I will tell you. I hope you find it interesting.
I feel that I have between 6 and 8 weeks of life left and I
am not frightened at this feeling. There are 2 or 3 of things that I know I need
to be completed before them and I have been able to get help for two of these
things the third one I must do myself. A few years from now my children may
wish that I had done other things for them before I died, but truly I was
hoping to get more time. Like an entire year more, but now I feel very certain
that will not happen. Because of that I must choose what I have the energy to
do along with the time to do. If life was ideal I would have another 20 or 30
years to do things but that just is not reality for me.
Now why am I not frightened by the thought of dying so soon?
For that is an easy answer, my faith in the Lord. I know that I am blessed with
friends and family members from almost all faiths and some that choose to have
none. All of which is great. Please understand that I am only expressing how I
feel. I believe that there is another phase of life. I believe that there is a
heaven and that it is a very wonderful place to go. I look forward to being
reunited with my loved ones, like my dad. With this belief it takes fear out of
the picture.
Another thing that I have found is that it is kind of like
being given a project and after years and years of working on it I have finally
been given a dead line to complete things by. Now in some ways that is bad
because I didn’t get things done that I would have liked to, because I thought
I could do those after I retired. (That is retire at the age of 65, and have a
few healthy years ahead of me.) But that did not happen so I have to be
realistic and try to do what I can in the time given. I am sure that there are
other people who would not like this feeling at all. They would be going crazy
trying to get everything they wanted to do done. But me I have just given up on
smaller projects that would have been fun to do but I now there is just no
time. By realizing just how little time I really have I have cut the smaller of
life’s project must be forgotten,
prioritized what REALLY needed to be done, thinking of my sons, I moved
on to what has to be done. Now that I have done that I was able to ask for
major help on two of those projects and I have been blessed with two great
friends who are working on them for me. Rita and Yasmin are each working on
projects that mean a great deal to me.
I think I have said all I can on this. However, if any of
you have questions you would like to ask me please feel free to do so.
Suzie,
ReplyDeleteSome weeks ago in church we were told you would like us to blog memories of you. The next week I asked someone to write down your blog address. I don't remember where they wrote it. It was probably in my calendar book, which I can't find. Rita told me your blog address today. I didn't hear her say "the," and I ended up on another blog. I raised a question and added "the" and found your picture, so I know it's the right blog. I wonder if the watercolor-style art work is custom designed for you. Its wonderfully artistic.
I turned on the radio today and heard some of President Obama's inaugural speech, which was eloquent, some songs, which were nicely sung, and a poem by a Mr. Blanco, which was like a heartbeat of familiar everyday activities, wonderfully described in a way that let you see ordinary things as if through new eyes. Wonderful, familiar things seemed to glow in their simple, drab colors that could hardly be contained within their small-as-life frames. His poem brought that panorama to life before your eyes through the medium of your ears.
Memories of you feel like a visit from a friend or a visit to a friend who lives in the shire of the Hobbits, where there is comfort in simple pleasures and joy in simple, ordinary company and happy conversation. Voices seem musical and sing a medley of laughter and memories of friends and family. Some parts are happy and some ridiculously funny, now that time has eased embarrassment, anxiety, or tears.
There are memories of working late on a Saturday night on re-tiling a floor, plastering a ceiling, painting a wall, or holding a ladder steady while someone plasters or paints. The house being worked on is mine. The ones doing the work are my friends. One of them is you. You and Rita are sharing a story from someone's past, punctuating it with roaring laughter. (A daintier word might be preferred and paint a truer picture, but some ladies could get away with roaring laughter, and you would be one of them.)
Your friend,
Bob Bartholomew
Oh my I do remember helping you and Rita on that project. If I remember correctly part of the of the reason for the project was that one of your son's had a sore tooth and was being held on the older ones lap, when the "baby" pulled on his sore ear and instead of punching the child he kicked the wall and found a good size space with a dresser in there. I was very surprised at your sons behavior. We then made doorways and turned those spaces into storage space.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that what I said was not taken has an offense but blunt honesty. If I also remember you said something that sounded just like my grandpa Tarbell (my Mom's Dad)
You look like him and have his same seance of humor Thankfully you you don't have his hair. You and Rita have accepted me just has another family member. That is how everyone should be accepted into a ward. Reguardless of them being a new a member to to Church or just to that Ward. Thank you for just being the people you are good accepting people and thanks for the memories.