Oh how the heat gets to me now

Death by Heat!

The summer heat is killing me slowly. It is more than my weak ole body can handle. I tried to eat food at lunch time but it never got to my stomach. So I had another can of my formula. Now it is dinner time and I feel the same way I did at lunch. Mom has made me some mashed potatoes with a little browned ground beef. I am trying to eat it but it is going very slowly. I hate the idea of getting sick.

I tried some of what Mom made me but I just don’t think it is going to agree with me. It tastes good but my stomach doesn’t care about taste.

In the last couple of days I have noticed a new pain in my body. I get a sharp pain under my left breast, almost below my left arm. The pain comes and goes. All I can guess is that the cancer has either spread or grown and so the increased pain. I don’t think there is anything else the doctors can do for me. I know if I ask they will increase my pain medication, all I have to do is ask. Last week when I saw the doctor they did offer to up the medication already. But I declined, I don’t have enough break through pain for a change.

It is very strange to think you can feel the illness that is killing you grow and there is nothing you can do about it. That is how I feel about this new pain in my body. Life is strange with what we go through. I am not sure just what I can learn from all of this but I am trying to keep a positive outlook on life. Once my stomach settles down I think I will be better able to enjoy my life. Due to the heat’s effect on my health I am looking forward to fall weather.

Pioneer Day

The Three H’s

That is what the weather is like today, hazy, hot and humid, which equals feeling yucky to me. It has been nice and quiet and that is good when you don’t feel well. My doctor called this evening and my thyroid is off just a little so she feels my medication needs to be changed. She was a little surprised that I was the one who asked to have it checked. What I didn’t tell her is that it really was my son’s idea. He wanted to know if the radiation therapy affected my thyroid. Well, it seems that the answer is yes. The change in this medication may give me a little help with the amount of energy I have.

There isn’t anything else to tell you today, other than I am up for some company, and I am down to just one balloon. But at least the cards are still coming, even if they are fewer than before.

I hope all of you and your families are having a great summer. The next time I see you I would enjoy hearing about the great things you are doing.

July 23, 2012

Sleepy Monday

Today is a rainy sleepy day, and the house is nice and quiet. Sadly this is the second day in a row that I have had a headache. The Tylenol has dulled it but not taken it completely away. I have the morning self-care routine down fairly well. It takes me a couple of hours to do all of it, but part of that includes a one hour nap so I don’t think that is bad. The nice thing is that I could do it in less time if I really needed to but I don’t need to do that very often.  So far the VNA nurses have not needed to have me make any major changes to what the nurses in the hospital taught me so I feel very confident about what I am doing.

Although Mom and I thought that pulled pork would be soft, it was but not thin enough. So dinner didn’t work, but we learn has we go. Sadly my sore throat is taking a lot longer to heal than I expected.

I think that the lack of food in my system is adding to my feeling very tired every day. So I am going to try to add more “food” to my diet for a few days and see if that helps. I guess it is crazy to expect my body to function if the fuel tank is empty.

Getting Out of the House

Sunday

Today has started out great and I expect it to stay that way. I was able to attend just one of the three hours of Church. But that is better than not going at all. Just going for the one hour was the right call. By the time I got home I was starting to feel tired. So I don’t feel that I pushed myself too far. I gave just enough effort for today. It was great just to get out of the house, other than to a doctor's appointment.

For the first time since February I wore a new dress. After losing over 30 pounds I really needed something new. The old clothes were falling off of me. Although I wanted to lose that weight, I didn’t want to do it the way I did. Today I attended the Springfield Ward, instead of my own Ludlow Ward, it is closer. I hope that in a couple of weeks I will be strong enough to stay for the full three hours and go all the way to the Ludlow building. I miss all of my friends in that Ward. But if I overdo it now I will never be up to going to the Ludlow building.

My throat is still very sore, that is where I have the most pain at this time. At Church I did not even think about trying to sing any of the Hymns, even though I love to sing them. I have noticed that I seem to get a lot of minor headaches. It is surprising to me that with all of the pain medication I have in me that I could have a headache, but I do. I have learned that I can take Tylenol for it and I have some.

Saturday, the way I like it, peaceful

Sometimes it gets hard to write a post for my blog. I am not doing a lot today. I know that I need to rest. I will sit and sort out a bunch of papers. I need to decide just what is really important and what can get thrown out.  Getting the clutter out of my stuff will most likely take the rest of my life. But I think that would be true even if I lived another 50 years. I also think we all have some clutter that we need to clear out.

I have felt good most of the day.  Everything has agreed with me food wise. I have reviewed some important papers so I am making some progress. I am taking things very easy. I hope that tomorrow will be nice like today weather wise. I am so relieved that my health seems to have found a plato and is staying there. The only thing still hanging around is my sore throat. Although it is not as bad as it was when I came home.

I am getting a little lonely. No visitors at all today. I wish I could get out and see you, my friends, but I am not able drive. However, you might want to call before you come. I have lots of doctor’s appointments. Right now I am not having any treatment. I need to recover from this last treatment with radiation.  I don’t know if there is any other treatment that would be worth trying. It is such a rare cancer even the doctors have to check into that.

By the way I have only 2 balloons left and they are fading. I will have to take them down sometime this week. (boo hoo I really like balloons!) Best to each one of you.

Rainy Day Relief

Today I saw my primary oncologist and she are pleased with how I am doing. There was a mention of doing another round of chemotherapy. The doctors don’t want to do it because it is too difficult for most patients to tolerate. I have to think about this but they have no real benefit they can tell me about so I am leaning toward saying no. But I will think about it for a few days.

From what the doctors hinted at if I did do another round of chemo I would have to do it soon or it would be too late. She told me most patients just can’t tolerate the treatment. I also got the feeling that it would destroy the quality of what life I have and there would be very little if any benefit to be gained. I see no reason for putting myself through that.

Thankfully the heat wave is over and we are enjoying a cool rainy day today. I have found that going out to the doctors makes me very tired and even a little dizzy. There is no way I could go to any all-day event like the Scottish Games. I will miss doing things like this. I didn’t do them that often but I sure enjoyed the occasional outings when I did go.

I have found that I need to take a very long time to eat in order for my body to like it. But that is okay with some foods. I know that I will be going to bed very early today. I have also noticed that I am in more pain this afternoon and evening then I have been in since I came home from the hospital. I hope this is not going to be the new normal. I am grateful for my PCA and the break through pain it helps me deal with.